Sometimes I feel so lost I don't know what I'm going to do or how I am going to live each day again and again and again. I don't really feel that great. Why do guys dominate my life? Why can't one thing make me happy? Why must I have everything? Why can't I just be content with the GREAT things that are always handed to me - I mean, I get this guy. He even came to visiting me yesterday, just to meet my friends. But is it wrong to think that I don't want to kiss a guy that does not want to be my boyfriend? Why waste kisses on someone that might just throw you away once the next best thing comes along!? I can't stand not having a boyfriend. It was so nice to be touched again. To feel wanted. It's been awhile, at least since July since I've felt this good. I am so happy. But things are going to go quickly down the toilet. I know they will. I'm that lucky.

Since he has no plans in actually being my bf. I've started looking at other guys again. I mean, there are tons of fish out there in the sea. There's a cute guy in my jazz class that I sorta like. I mean, I want to have other options. I don't want to mess around with the first person who likes me. It's always some huge computer nerd or something. I mean, I have no problems with computer nerds, but that's all I get. Also, they always seem to be bisexual or something. I think I have the power to turn gay males straight and straight males gay. Trust me...it's happened. I really want a cute emo punk boy. I was watching them outside the LB window today at lunch. There is this one that is so brillantly cute. I like him a lot. Why do all the cute boys smoke? It's really not fair. Ok, I'm tired. I fell asleep in class today. Naughty me. Whatever. See ya. 
¶ 3:20 PM |