lnc is starting to disgust me. i can't believe there is a community of indie elitists. that's so fucking weird to me. i mean yeah i can totally identify but i don't have the look or the intellectual reads going on so they won't let me on the site. that's ridiculous. first off, judging people solely on their appearance is ridiculous. honestly, i can say i've done it. i'm totally guilty of that. BUT, i've also dismissed it too. i've fallen in like with boys that are not necessarily the norm for me. boys that like country and bob dylan and p. diddy. i mean why not? but still, maybe i'm just bitter but it seems we are repressing some old ways of thinking. how is this any different than being racist? we are still judging people. WHO AM I TO SAY ANYTHING...i'm fucking elitist scum too. yeah, i'm a big jerk and i like it.

sean dack.

so many things are happening so quickly right now. things are changing in my head, around me, in my love life. it's pretty safe to say that i'm not in the right frame of mind to make any sort of big decision right now but that can't stop me as i must "hear forth" and battle all these things anyways. ben from embrace today said he'd pick me up a white belt and a cool belt buckle. i hope he keeps his word. i hope we can hang out again. there are so few people that i even like anymore. there's chris. there's jen. there's many and massive others and too many to name here but at the same time it's definatley below 20. chris helps keep my sanity. we are funny, yo.

i'm too tired to articulate a fine piece of prose on this blog. i'll keep you posted. i'm leaving emerson i think. i'll let you know. or you know, if my updates disappear that's why. 
¶ 10:03 PM |

  i am not stalker. but this is fucking hilarious. 
¶ 3:00 PM |

  GROWL. if i were me i'd shoot myself. oh, wait...i am me.

my last words: "i want you, sean dack."

*dies*

yeah, my life is great. haha. 
¶ 2:59 PM |

  yo dog. i slept for 12 hours last night. isn't that incredible? i couldn't believe it either. i thought i was just taking a nap not a whole freaking night of sleeping. i didn't even change out of my clothes. oh no!! plus, i was attacked by my strokes poster in the night. that's all i remember. i can't believe it. oh jeez.

so today i get a visitor! yippee! yay! wheee!! oh yeah, look at how excitied i am. *dances*

ok...i apologize about the insane amount of misspellings last entry. i'm so mad about that but again, too lazy to actually reread what i just wrote. so there.

i want a vespa and a NEW web design. do you got the skills? i'll pay you a measly amount or something. nothing like mega much cause i seriously have like $15 BUT if you are a way nice person i will totally give you props and a link...like the first one and thank you a million times over in each entry. ok, probably not that much or no one will read it anymore. i figure the only person i'm going to casually mention each entry is sean dack. look, i'm smooth as i seem to be attracting quite a buzz. oooh baby. i want some of that sean dack action. hehe.  
¶ 2:18 PM |

  FIRST...this is hilarious. what's up with all these people knowing sean dack? this is going to become a fucking fan club for him, yo. that would be hilarious. SEAN are you out there? do you have the time for a little peak? i mean how does everyone find this site anyways and then comment on sean dack...i mean unless you were searching under his name, you know. i don't know maybe it's a strange conincidence. to be honest, i think sean is hot and well, yeah i don't know anything else. so there.

today was cold. i trekked it across campus about a thousand times. i need to take a nap and than email my old professor my Incomplete paper. woohoo. dumb jane eyre. it's due on thursday. i can barely stand it. yeah yeah. so nothing else excited happened. i need to read.

my magazine writing class is amazing. it makes you think about what you are reading and where you want to work. i need to start reading magazines front to back. i'm really bad at skipping. i must settle down. for some reason, i'm started swearing like a mother fucking pirate lately. yeah, that one was on purpose. i'm going to try and not though. it's relaly not my thing. well, pirates are my thing but yeah.

sorry about my lame entry. tis lame lame lame. later, homeskillet. 
¶ 7:23 PM |

  oh sean dack. would you be my honey? alright, let's be trashy for sec. my mind is in the gutter when it comes to sean dack. (hehe) 
¶ 7:47 PM |

  someone keeps asking me out on dates. someone is thinking of me. i do not want to be with someone. someone is everyone. everyone is something i cannot take. the someone in my head is the someone that is not here. here is nowhere. nowhere is hell. hell has seven kinds of jelly donuts. doughnuts. they are not as good as krispy kremes. it is hell afterall. actually. someone lives right by a krispy kreme. conincidence. no way. i wish i was back home. i wish i could just be with someone. he might not make me happy but at least it is easier being lonely with him than it is being lonely here.

i think i am beginning to feel numb. nothnig is right. i can't get myself up to do anything. i haven't eaten anything today but junk food. i feel gross. why is the tenth floor so far up? why am i so far down? why are you not around? why am i here and you are there and we cannot connect and the past is ripping things up that i can't understand.

I AM LEAVING YOU, MARK. go the fuck away. yes, i have broken the ties that bind. (i am good at lying.) 
¶ 7:46 PM |

  i think emo gets a bad rap. i think emo is like a huge support group. you listen to the music and you can feel a connection and you realize it's not just you going through it. obviously, emo is not about being deep. a lot of emo is about girls and relationships, i think because that's a HUGE part of life. just relating to people. we have to do it everyday.

i am trying to get through all this "mess" in my head. i'm taking the deep breaths and counting to ten and trying not to over analyze every single fucking situation, over and over and over. so much thinking makes you feel really insecure and anxiety ridden. i'm starting to realize that my emotions/feelings are rationalized and that i'm not being mad about petty things. that i can't dismiss something just because I'M feeling it and NOT someone else. i keep thinking that if i am mad at someone that it's not rationalized and that there is no reason i should be mad, but i've begun to see that i'm not really mad at them for that one time; it's something built up over time. it's me not taking action in the past. it's me dismissing the situation over and over and over again. it's me thinking "oh, well...i'll let it go this time." instead of just saying what i really thought. expressing yourself has to be one of the hardest things to do, even with people that you've known for years. even with people you haven't. with everyone. i am learning to spit it all out.

Jimmy Eat Wolrd song of the day: Goodbye Sky Harbor
thanks chris.

(written today. yessum.)  
¶ 6:02 PM |

  Stuff below submitted to some dumb elitist online club, where they promptly ignored me and didn't ask me to join. i thought i was clever. what do you think?

out of place hipster in search of mix tapes and a shoulder to cry on. i'm crossing that emo bridge, my friend.

ear candy:
ryan adams. bright eyes. hot hot heat. the dandy warhols. death cab for cutie. smashing pumpkins. the rolling stones. the american analog set. sorry about dresden. the smiths. the strokes. Jimmy Eat World. Finch. Sunny Day Real Estate. Silverchair. Muse. Adam Ant. Billy Idol.

mmm:
converse all-stars. vespas. Dr. Who. The Young Ones. Cometbus. Spin. robots. laundrymats. pirates. Indian and Thai food. Punk Planet. nintendo. libraries. cemetaries. fishnets. tattoos. 
¶ 6:01 PM |

  chris and i talking about how emo my livejournal bio is:

pointedly plaid (2:17:53 AM): that was before i was corrupted by eddie too
pointedly plaid (2:17:54 AM): hahaha
i love bicuspids (2:19:20 AM): hahahaa
i love bicuspids (2:19:29 AM): "corrupted by eddie"
i love bicuspids (2:19:35 AM): like you're not guilty
pointedly plaid (2:19:39 AM): hahaha

*eddie is the boy who is best friend's with J.E.W. hehe. he is very emo.

My LJ bio included for extra filler. YUM.

college student looking for a partner in crime. cemetaries during the day and sneaking into libraries at night. never underestimate staying in with stale popcorn and rented movies. not enough people appreciate the night skies and losing yourself in the stars, you can't do this everywhere. i use to live right under Orion's Belt. sigh. blowing bubbles is a wonderful hobby. i write and so should you. i found my love; now will he find me?

watashi = kawaiidesune.

emo = imo = potato

i am the ultimate maxim. morals, who needs em?

 
¶ 6:00 PM |

  wow. wouldn't it be nice if i update this for real? um, yeah sure would. watch out because you got your wish.


yay. so i'm back in town. beantown. do i like my town being associated with beans? i'm not sure, i'll get back to you on that one.

while taking down posters i sliced my hand open. ok, my finger. ugh. i let it bleed because i couldn't find a bandaid. then i had to reteach myself how to type with an extra big bandaid finger. sigh.

NO MORE HOLD ON MY ACCOUNT. i can now go to classes. this is a good thing, yes?

i had breakfast today at 3:00 pm without realizing it. i got cereal, orange juice, yogurt, and an english muffin. i even went to a real breakfast and i still had breakfast in the afternoon. i miss home.

i think now would be a good time for mashed potatoes.

it's cold here. i'm too tired to update this well.

oh yes...label me as emo. i get it. i get it!!

GOT YOU! old entry. 
¶ 5:55 PM |

  i realized that sometime or later your favorite CDs will go on sale, but only after you have spent $13 on them 7 months ago. i also realized that my life snaps just like that. i'm a fragile flower. i'm a broken soul. i have good friends. boutiful. all around me. amazing people that i need to start recognizing for their good deeds. give them medals of valour because they are that fucking amazing, and now that i have them i feel like if i lost them i would never be able to go back. i feel that close. i feel sucked in. (part of the problem, really.)

i'm burned out. it's been one week. i think way too much has happened.  
¶ 12:13 AM |

 
Who's your inner gay man?
brought to you by Quizilla
 
¶ 1:53 PM |

  ironically enough, i am seriously really 25% asian.


How azn are u?
brought to you by Quizilla
 
¶ 1:56 AM |

  My indie rock boyfriend:


who's your indie rock boyfriend?
brought to you by Quizilla

julian casablancas (the strokes): you and julian are no stranger to the bottle. and the morning after is killer. 
¶ 1:54 AM |

 
What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
 
¶ 1:49 AM |

  Oh yeah. I wrote two emails today inbetween classes. Actually 3 including this morning. It's the first day of classes so most of them require reading or something so we just go over the syllabus and they send us on our way. i hate that because i live across campus and i've been to the library like 50 times today. I OWN THE FUCKING EMERSON LIBRARY, dude. hahahaha.

so. my schedule mwf classes only. woohoo.

Environmental Ethics 10:00 - 11:15
Literature of the City 11:30 - 12:45
The World Since 1914 1:00 - 2:15
Advanced Magazine Writing 4:00 - 5:45

Yes, it's a mighty long day.

I ended up staying up till four last night. I still got up at 8 am by myself. No alarm. Strange how that happens. BUT only on the first day of classes. No other time will my sleeping habits be so perfect and timely. I can feel a change within me. Like I felt it all break. I'm going to go and try to cut down on my using the word hate every other sentence. I say it without even realizing it. It just comes out. I hate that. OH NO. See what I mean?

It just turned three and I think I was annoying Chris by emailing him every 3 seconds so I decided to update my blog with useless and mundane school stories. It was soo cold today and windy that I almost blew over. I was holding on to a sign post to keep from flipping over. NOW that's what I call insane. Well, I'm outtie. 
¶ 2:58 PM |

  everything is fading fast and nothing has changed. but me. i should WIN hermit of the year award! if you know someone on the commitee drop them a line and tell them to vote me in. k. thanks. bye. 
¶ 10:43 AM |

  today's horoscope:

If you want to know how someone really feels about you, ask him or her outright. Don't break into their email account, don't fake a personal ad and try to get them to respond to you, don't have your BFF pass them a note with check-off boxes about whether or not they'd go steady with you. No, communication (which may or may not mean confrontation) is the best way to know where you stand. Because you have to know where you stand before you can move forward. For instance, if you figure out you're standing at the end of a plank over a pool of sharks who lust the blood of a broken heart, only then will you realize in which single direction you can move.

hmm. hmm. hmm. 
¶ 1:26 PM |

  i can't sleep. shit.

Seven things that scare you:
1. being alone FOR EVER.
2. the dark. sometimes. shut up.
3. scary movies.
4. unidentified noises in empty houses.
5. being shot.
6. WAR.
7. guns.

Seven things that make you laugh:
1. my friends
2. my sister
3. my mommy
4. THE YOUNG ONES.
5. Friends.
6. Conan.
7. SNL...sometimes.

Seven things you love:
1. vespas.
2. robots.
3. pirates.
4. SK. unfortunately.
5. my family.
6. eddie, my doggie and the kitties
7. converse all-stars

Seven things you hate:
1. close-mindedness
2. not being able to spell
3. texas summers
4. unreturned phone calls/emails
5. gangsta rap
6. guns.
7. mouse traps

Seven things you don't understand:
1. god.
2. velcro shoes
3. SK.
4. myself
5. texas weather patterns
6. clowns
7. korn

Seven things on your desk:
1. pencil cup with many pens!
2. scanner
3. empty bottle
4. gummy bears
5. books
6. lint remover
7. disks

Right now you are:
1. anxious
2. sad
3. tired
4. cranky
5. wistful
6. nostalgic
7. frisky

Seven facts about you:
1. scar on left leg
2. i want a star tattoo on my left hand
3. i'm right handed
4. i can't drive. nope, nada.
5. i didn't drink until i was 21
6. i'm a veggie
7. i want a hamster

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1. get married.
2. write for a magazine music
3. learn guitar
4. tell my dad off
5. skateboard
6. own garter belts and stockings
7. LEARN TO DRIVE.

Seven things you can do:
1. write short stories
2. speak japanese
3. make sushi
4. go to sleep really late
5. dance around in my undies
6. air guitar.
7. play kazoo

Seven Things You Can't Do:
1. DDR
2. sleep
3. find a bf
4. yodle
5. kill bugs
6. shoot a gun
7. think optimistically

Seven Famous People You Want (To Meet):
1. Art Alexakis (Everclear)
2. RYAN ADAMS
3. Vincent Kartheiser
4. Francesca Lia Block
5. Thora Birch
6. ...
7. ...

Top 5 songs people should give a listen -
1.Le Le Low - Hot Hot Heat
2.Mayonaise - Smashing Pumpkins
3.The Only One - American Analog Set
4.Get Over It - OK Go
5.Get It Faster - Jimmy Eat World

Top 5 things that turn you on about BOYS...
1.hair
2.eyes
3.wrists
4.hands
5.chest

Top 5 movies you watch all the time -
1.Fight Club
2.Labryrinth
3.What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
4.Edward Scissorhands
5.Empire Records

Top 5 things you say the most -
1. hey
2. totally
3. awesome
4. like
5. fuck
(no, i'm not a surfer or a valley girl.)




 
¶ 6:04 AM |

  Wheee...back in boston and that means actually posts in real time and not through shitty dial-up internet and stuff I write on notepad when the mood hit me. Wow. It actually feels pretty good to be back. I'm glad I have the room to myself. It's nice to have some time to one's self. I guess I have a lot of trouble adjusting to new things.

I want a new pair of converse. That's on tomorrow's agenda. Fuck. I'm going to travel all around the city. Yippee. It's fucking cold out and there's snow on the ground. I love Boston. BUT...

i miss dallas for sure. especially a certain friend who i shared indian with last wednesday. 
¶ 6:55 PM |

  Old Hipster Motto: Ravings and Rantings. Runnings and Stoppings. I backup and turn around but still go forward.

Check out the new one!

January 16, 2003. dallas time: 9:43 pm.

I feel like being sick. I leave tomorrow for Boston and for once I actually don't feel like going. I would rather stay here with the yelling and laughing and fighting and hugging. Yeah, families sure are silly. I feel for once that maybe I can belong here. That I might belong somewhere. I feel sick because I fear the unexpected. I feel sick because I can't trust myself anymore. I feel sick because I'm losing my hearing. I feel sick because I just called the SK and he seemed a bit miffed that I called but not in a bad way but in a bad time sort of way and I wish I would have called earlier like I intended to do. I feel sick because my Jane Eyre paper is not an A. I feel like sticking my head into the oven and boiling up and looking ugly so people can see me for what I feel like inside.

Is there a word for sudden change of moods? I'm in a fucking good mood right now, and not even elitist scum bags could take me off this high horse. I sometimes don't feel like sharing all the petty details because I'm afraid you'll judge me. You judge me more than my mother.

I think I must love to agitate myself. I'm surprised I haven't given myself an ulcer or two or three.

Damn. I love life.
 
¶ 6:52 PM |

  he looked cute on LnC. sorry. i'm helping. plus, he likes Jimmy Eat World. my new favorite obsession. not to mention Sunny Day Real Estate, my next favorite obsession next to pudding and green jello.

 
¶ 6:08 AM |

  i want to move out.

by the way...how can i be slacking if i have no internet? sigh. 
¶ 2:16 PM |

 
JANUARY 13, 2003 dallas time: 11:34

ear candy: Jimmy Eat World

SNOW...in dallas? Well, it certainly happens because it did yesterday. The icy build-up still lies in puny sheets in the backyard, nothing like Boston snow.

A good way NOT to wake up: a dog trampling on your face. It does not feel good. Plus, add your Japanese grandmother chasing your dog around the room telling him that he HAS to go outside. He clearly does not want outside. So he's running around and trampling on my face. God, I love my dog.

A good wake up drink. Chai. A good wake up band. Jimmy Eat World. Better band. The White Stripes. Lately, I've been in a Jimmy mood though. I guess everyone gets like that when they buy a new CD. You must listen to it until you drive yourself insane and remember all the lyrics. The only problem is that I still haven't remembered the lyrics to The Middle. He surely mumbles a lot. The best song on the album is: Your House.

I was reading Rolling Stone yesterday and in the Best College Albums section on the back page they misspelled Hot Hot Heat. They put Hot Hot Hot. Come on Rolling Stone, get with it. Jeez. I love that magazine though, except I liked it a lot better in 1996 when there was still decent rock music on the radio. Dallas radio sucks, perhaps all radio sucks except MIT radio here in Boston. There's this boy named Andrian who has a show called S.U.B.S. that starts at midnight and goes to about 2 am or so. It's excellent. He plays all your favorite indie faves. He always plays a Pixies song. (That's for you SK.) And he played "This Charming Man" once. That surely rocked. OH...I just found out that Death Cab for Cutie (the best name for a band in a long long time though Rolling Stone said that Sorry About Dresden has a better name) has a cover of "This Charming Man." That's awesome! Actually, Sorry About Dresden is a Conor Oberst band. I didn't know that. I love them. Haha. Actually, if it's good nowadays it probably does have Conor Oberst in it somehow or he's involved somewhere. He's like the Indie Genius of the World. Let's all bow down to Conor Oberst. *bow bow*

Lately, I've been listening to a lot of Adam Ant and Billy Idol. I made myself a little mix CD with back to back 80s hits. I realized that I can skank to anything. (hehe) Skank pits are the best. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. OH...someone told me that I won't like hardcore unless I go to a show. That they sorta have choreographed type dancing at shows, something about punches and kicks. I'm intrigued but I don't think that my hardcore appreciation will move past Thursday or the Austin band, The Rise or Rise or something like that. Actually, is Thursday considered hardcore? I have no idea. See, I'm showing my true colors now.  
¶ 2:15 PM |

  January 11, 2002 dallas time: 9:00pm

ear candy: Jimmy Eat World

So, it's another day and I'm still suffering. I found a new place I like: laundrymats. Now, it's laundrymats, cemetaries, and libraries. Isn't that tons of fun? So, residents of Dallas, if you're missing your new clean jeans, I could have pulled a Marla Singer on you. (hehe) I'll never tell about my crazy antics.

Could it be that I'm beginning to understand emo? Nah. There's no way.

I realized if I'm typing on my computer my mom thinks I'm doing my paper. (done, by the way. very done.) I'm doing the revision thing and it sucks. I'm tired of even looking at the pile of shit. It all just starts to sound the same anyways.

I'm a bitter person. I'm an angry person. This is why I'm lonely! I'm also a very fun person to be around, but sometimes I get so caught up in the moment and into things working out, that I get a little disappointed when things begin to unravel and ruin my life. My little life. The little life that is all I have.

I've been having lots of dreams. Dreams I remember. I had a memorable dream about the SK, where we were in a hotel room playing Nintendo and he suddenly kisses me. Very unlike him and extremely strange. I don't get it. 2nd dream: I was a mouse and my best friend was a little black and white garter (sp) snake (striped Tim Burten style). We were in this big battle sorta like the one in The Two Towers and our side lost. So as we were retreating my little snakey buddy got hurt and later he died. I buried him in this tree stump right below my house. I spent the last half of the dream just staring at his little body. I woke up crying. Strange. 3rd dream: I was watching a Plastilina Mosh concert in a hotel with Geerah and a whole bunch of my other close Dallas friends. The concert was really good. Then I got a phone call on my cell phone. (I don't even have one in real life.) It was Skyler (ex bf from two years ago) and he wanted to come to the show. I don't really remember what happened, except talking to him from some stairs and watching the show from there.

BLAH. I don't want to go back to Boston. I don't want to leave home. sigh.
 
¶ 2:13 PM |

  January 6, 2003 dallas time: 5:46 pm

it's another day in january where i A) slept in and B) didn't write my paper. sigh. i am such a disappointment to myself sometimes. i used up all my free internet time just IMing people and now i have no more online time. what to do? what to do? blah. that was surely dumb.

i talked to derek last night for the first time in forever. well, i think i talked to him sometime early december. i can't remember anymore. he's a neat guy.

yesterday, i saw a gang of vespa drivers. YES, you read right. A GANG OF VESPA DRIVERS. sigh. i want a vespa. don't you need a special license to ride one?

boys are confusing. perhaps they are not confusing but i like to confuse myself with boys. i met a nice one and we had a "hot date." his words not mine and that was before we actually had the date. he's originally from phoenix and somehow that's a bit creepy. i don't know. i guess it reminds me of others that i know. it's funny how arizona has become like the biggest place in my life right now. laura is there. funny funny actually. i keep hearing about it on tv. i don't know. maybe it's because i'm more aware of it right now.

[b]ARE YOU because...
i'm currently searching for cowboys and pirates. punks and indie rockers also welcome.[/b]

i think there is a time in your life when you grow up. yes, boys can do that. maybe. is dating older men all that bad anyways? i think they want the same things i want. i'm not talking about sex. no, really!

remember koosh balls? those things are the best. really.

blah. i'm sooo not in the scene. soon people are going to realize this and i'm going to lose my cool status. sigh. what a shame. right?! wait, did i ever have cool status? it's a shame when even 15 year olds start to catch on to how nerdy you really are. blah, i'm a bore!

OH. this new boy is best friends with Jimmy Eat World. amazing. he was also in this band called haskell (sp) or at least that's what i thought he said. he skateboards too. he's fun! oh, he's also not addicted to video games. so there. (yes, that was a low blow.) i actually like video games and when i saw his little tv set-up with no super NES or Nintendo 64, etc...it made me a tad sad. i like video games. i like playing video games with sexy boys. this never happens. actually, that's how i ended up falling for my first real boyfriend. we were playing super mario. i rule!

alright. Eyre calls and i need to get this fucking thing finished. jeez. 
¶ 2:13 PM |

  The old AIM profile. It's pretty pathetic that I post this on here but I figure some of them are pretty good and not worth wasting. This has only been a profile for a tad bit of time too. I only kept one part..."Has someone fed Special Patrol Group?" The Young Ones is seriously the best thing on TV. I keep crossing my fingers and hoping that it's Sunday but I wake up and it's not. Sundays rule because well...The Young Ones come on. Dr. Who is on Friday. Brit Coms are my new life. Serious changers are in store for Miss Diana. I keep seeing all my friends getting beautiful things that they want and I soon will get what I deserve. Not that I believe in deserving. I live with what I am dealt. Not very well but you know, I'm a lot stronger than I think I am. I have to get rid of this constant headache. Seriously.

My new nickname is: Kitten. It's provided by the marvelous Mr. Skyler. Beautiful boy that he is. I have AWESOME friends. Actually, if anyone IMs me off this site call me Kitten and I'll be your friend forever. SN: pointedly plaid.

Profile:

!WARNING!
THE WRATH OF THE BITTER IS UPON YOU.

Has someone fed Special Patrol Group?

"They offered war rather than kisses..."
~Saxo Grammaticus on the female pirate

you and me and a star * tattoo. deal.
End profile.

Really, I've quite the Loners Club and started a new one. The Special Patrol Group. Let's hold hands and dance to Billy Idol and Adam Ant.  
¶ 11:53 PM |

  I have good friends. I also now that I've lost connections. That things have gotten weird and it will never be the same. Oh well. Things happen for reasons. Fate. Destiny. THE MASTER PLAN. Call it what you will but I believe in it all. I know that your head tells you not to do things and to wait for some things. Other times you have to force yourself to do the right thing. Sometimes in my head all the choices get messed up and i get confused and do the wrong thing. It always leads me down a road that I will learn from. I have many adventures ahead of me. I should stop thinking I'm old at 21. I mean seriously I have a lot of life left in me if I can get off this suicide kick I'm on right now. If I can just stop crying all the time and stop lying to myself and making it seem alright. It just sucks and I've run out of steam right now and this entry is being wasted on shitty writing. I will return with some beautiful prose tomorrow. In the meantime, a short short for the masses of hipsters out there.

She saw him from across the room. He was cowboy with long hair messily and purposely left uncombed. She felt like picking the nits out gorilla style right there in front of everyone at the party. Of course, there were made up nits because his hair was glossy and soft. Well, that's what she thought it would be like. He knew her right away. She was Jane. He was Tim. And together they had once been very happy and amazing together. There was something still there. Tim, however, seemed a tad preoccupied with the ass kicking and multitude of so many other cooler people. She felt alone and scribbled in her journal in the corner. She wanted attention and hoped some other prince would swipe off her feet in the hotel lobby but only single parents abounded and drunks with 2003 glasses. Sigh.

Later, Jane crept up in the stairs to find Tim alone.

BLAH. This story sucks. ABANDON SHIP!!

p.s. my mom is going to yell at me. i know it. sigh. i'm an internet junkie. 
¶ 2:40 AM |

  LJ sucks now. Here you go. Not true Hipster Brigade material but I will embellish later.

So last night was probably the most fun and confusing night in my life. Maybe fun is a bad word to describe it. It was awful at first. I basically had only gone to the party to see Skyler. And Geerah. Oh, and the others. But mostly Skyler because I never see him. Geerah's parties are always really hard for me because Geerah is mingling and I'm all anti-mingle. Plus, this year was the first year my parents came.

So, basically I was dubbing myself outcaste and sitting myself out in the corner of the lobby in the hotel writing in my journal. This was probably not a good reaction to have to a party. But it happens every year.

I had one thing I wanted to do on New Year's and that was to get drunk. I accoplished it. Wow. Champagne packs a punch.

Things happened. As in making out. 7-11. Crying. Wanting more booze. Wanting condoms. Wanting a car. Wanting to leave the party. Frustration. Bad choices. Breaking down a door in the suite we had. Hehe. Loads of roaming. Being cold. Spooning. Hitting on a 15 year old. Hitting on everyone. Hitting on a cute guy in the elevator that introduced himself. HI PATRICK!

I don't want to go back to Boston. I don't want to go back anywhere. Does Punk Planet hire non-punks? I hope so. I'm obsessed.

Perhaps more into this when I have more time. This is not the time. This is spy time! 
¶ 9:22 PM |