Old Hipster Motto: Ravings and Rantings. Runnings and Stoppings. I backup and turn around but still go forward.

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January 16, 2003. dallas time: 9:43 pm.

I feel like being sick. I leave tomorrow for Boston and for once I actually don't feel like going. I would rather stay here with the yelling and laughing and fighting and hugging. Yeah, families sure are silly. I feel for once that maybe I can belong here. That I might belong somewhere. I feel sick because I fear the unexpected. I feel sick because I can't trust myself anymore. I feel sick because I'm losing my hearing. I feel sick because I just called the SK and he seemed a bit miffed that I called but not in a bad way but in a bad time sort of way and I wish I would have called earlier like I intended to do. I feel sick because my Jane Eyre paper is not an A. I feel like sticking my head into the oven and boiling up and looking ugly so people can see me for what I feel like inside.

Is there a word for sudden change of moods? I'm in a fucking good mood right now, and not even elitist scum bags could take me off this high horse. I sometimes don't feel like sharing all the petty details because I'm afraid you'll judge me. You judge me more than my mother.

I think I must love to agitate myself. I'm surprised I haven't given myself an ulcer or two or three.

Damn. I love life.
 
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