Sometimes people says things that get them into a lot of trouble. Sometimes people forget what they've told other people, and they open their mouth and they let things slip and they not only ruin a future relationship/friendship, but they feel extremely fucked. Sometimes people don't understand. I hate this. I lost someone special to me last night. Someone that I wasn't really sure if I was going to have a possible future with or not. People don't trust me. I hate that. This is the second time this year that I've told the truth and lost someone. Actually, the first time I didn't tell the truth but in the long run it was better, because that brought me closer to the Soulmate and I love being closer to the Soulmate, even if we aren't actually closer. Does this make sense? I love being friends with the Soulmate. I love being a little big more with the Soulmate. It's hard to define what we are or what we mean to each other. Sometimes situations become really fucked up. I don't know how this happens, but it does. I wish I could help the Soulmate as I think he is such an amazing person. I'm sorry I lost the other boy, but I'm not sure if I could have been with him anyway. He is sorta clingy and obsessive. I don't know. His closeness to me really scared me sometimes. We were a lot alike, but whatever...I guess I was wrong about him.

Once again I feel like my life is fucked. Is there nothing I can do right? I'm lucky I even still have friends. I'm telling the whole truths from now on. I did think it was over with the Soulmate, but I was wrong. There is still a friendship there, and a lingering feeling of lust or something like that. A great attraction that will simply not go away. He is amazing. He says what he wants to say and is not afraid to stand for what he believes in. The other boy just apologized too much. That was so irritanting.

*sighs* I need to fix my life. 
¶ 10:40 AM |