It feels like I haven't written in forever. I have so many things I want to share. I've been over emotional lately. I can thank that on being a girl though. Hooray! So anyways...I want to talk about fears. I think I've decided on what I fear most. Abandonment. Rejection. These are the things that I fear most. I hate being left alone, especially if someone invites you some place then just leaves without you. I mean, this has happened a lot. It really hurts my feelings. I just hate being left alone for some reason. I feel like I need a lot of support nowadays, so I feel really fragile. I don't know what to do. So many crazy things have been happening all at once, and my head can't focus on it all and absorb it. I can't tell what's going on in my head or my life. I just know that I really want the Soulmate to be a part of my life, even if he's just a friend that I talk to on occasion. Though of course, I would definately want more than that, but I will take him any way that I can have him. I just want him to be a part of my life. I really adore him. Every aspect. I really can't see the bad in him, which I guess is the problem. He is capible of making me feel so shitty, but in the end I get over it. I like him so much. I care for him so much. The other night this gigantic momentous thing happened between us. It really sucked. He said that he wasn't going to talk to me anymore, so he could straighten things out. Which I don't really understand. We are just talking. I will just talk. Just talking. I wish that we could be together. This post is so ranty and emo. I don't know what to do. I'm going to take a break. Maybe I will try meeting new boys or something. I care for him still. So much. So much that I cannot even tell how much I care for him or how to describe it. It hurts to so much that I have to make myself numb. I need to distract myself. Music. I guess is an option. I guess maybe I'm trying to find a Soulmate replacement...which is so not possible. I love meeting new people and talking, but it won't be the Soulmate. I love the Soulmate. I don't know how I can say that and still want to meet other people. Maybe to prove that I do love him. I have no idea. I am just weird. Ugh...

*sobs* I need some counseling. 
¶ 11:58 PM |