Remember, when all I wanted was a studded belt and I thought that would give me some sort of destination in life. Make me understand punk or something, that's pretty sad isn't it. I am not like that. I am shallow sometimes cause I get caught up in the culture around me, and I have preconcieved notions of what I would like to be and what I think is cool. Which I guess, is true about everyone, but I do end up realizing what I want and who I am almost when it's too late. Once again, I would like to say thank you to my friends, because without them I would not have survived this year. Yes, sometimes I am struck dumb over the next pretty boy that comes my way. This year has been one of the most emotional years in a long long time. I fell in love and discovered what that meant. I can honestly say that it was love. I don't know if it was full blown I will never leave you love, but it was something so strong that it was undeniably something more than like. Does that even make sense? This year has had it's ups and downs (when I say year I mean school year) but it's had it's way up highs. I can't even describe some of the most fantastic things that have happened to me. I mean I have met some of the most amazing people ever. Sometimes I am so scared that I need to change myself. I don't know why I get like this, why I think I am stupid when I know I am not. I mean, I got into Emerson and I got good grades, but I guess intelligence can't really be based on that. It's just sometimes my interests are spured by others. Yes, maybe I do want to follow the crowd and read books by authors because on saw it on some site. That's pretty lame, but I have to say that I dont' know most authors I should know. What should I know? I just want to know so that I can fit in with the pretentious crowd, yet again trying to clump myself into some catergory. Why do I keep doing this over and over again? So what if I can't hold my own in an arguement. I don't like arguing because that's all I do at home is argue. I want school to be more than a debate. I want it to be me learning something about life and love and sex and heat and passion and writing, because in the end I will need all those experiences in order to be a better writer. I need LIFE experience in order to write. I don't need fancy words but I do need nice dialogue, I mean in the end all those intelligent things that I deem so intelligent will just help write a better more well-rounded indie boy character in my story. Now there's a thought! (insert lightbulb here). Yes, there are gaps in my education. I regret those...wait, I don't regret. You should never regret, because you never know when life will end and you will regret those experiences that you ended not acting upon. You should always do those things that give you an itch. Even if it's buying converse because they are "so" punk. I like my shoes goddamit. Sometimes stereotypes blow. I am happy even if I am a lie. I am happy making choices even if they are biased. No one can stop me, because I need to learn on my own what it good for me and what is not. One day I will learn my limits and stop. Because one of the worst states to see Diana in is depression. Who wants to be around sad and mopey and whiny people. Well, I've been writing for way too long. I need to go do actual work. I just got inspired like I often do.

Listen to PENNYWISE! 
¶ 8:15 AM |