i hate him. i hate him. i hate him. i hate him. i hate him. i hate him. yeah, so i'm expending some energy right now. i don't hate him. i never knew him at least not enough to get any amount of him to hate. i'm just upset and it's not making sense and why am i trying so hard right now. why? heh. i hate when mom is right and that boy you are dating from cambridge really is a creep and all those "creepy" things you thought were cute once were really creepy and not cute. why, though, why?

i guess though that it's nice to realize who you really care for in the long run. that i needed to let go. it just seems that i wasted a lot of time and energy into something i thought would work but no, why would that ever happen to me? why would anyone ever care about me? why? i know people do. of course i do. just sometimes i wish the ones that i wanted to care for me did. i know now you can't force anything and that just living and breathing should be my top priority. i'm going to stop trying so hard. i know that i try so hard and i'm tired of trying. i just want to be. i just want to be with someone that is far away from me right now. oh well. shit happens. eh? 
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