so i've been sitting and doing some analysis while on hiatus. i know why i feel like i do - gross. i mean i'm falling in love with boys all over the place, reason being that all i look for in current relationships is something physical, which most of the time isn't all that great. i mean that's not true with the boy now but it's still empty. he won't tell me stuff. i never get to see his apartment. there's not a lot of effort on his part. i'm finding out that he's not really that great. i like him. i do. but he's not what i thought he was. i mean i look at these boys in my class that i'm starting to know just because of workshops and little thing their friends say and i look in their eyes and i think wow it would just be fun to hang out with them and not jump on them the first chance i get. i know why i do that too...i date foxy boys...hehe...but because of his evasive nature i feel like we have one-sided conversations which involve me just saying dumb things. which really is not the way to date a boy.

all i want is someone to be romantic with and have a normal relationship with. i don't even want to make out with the boy until the third date. i want us to have dates where i don't feel nervous except for the butterflies and i want to feel comfortable with eating in front of the boy and i want the boy to make the plans and be old-fashioned and chivalrous but will make the first move when he wants to kiss me. i want a cute indie boy, which means to say that i want a boy that's in love with music or in love with his music and needs a little cheerleader on the side. i just want some flowers or cheesy things the boy finds me on the street. i want to be able to have a book club with the boy and do all those things and say what i want to say without having to worry about the boy's opinion and i don't want the boy to pick fights unless it's to see how cute i get when i get angry...which is not cute at all. i really just want someone to be there for me. someone that isn't disappearing and someone that ACTUALLY likes me as much as i like them. one-sided lust is not a fun thing. 
¶ 8:41 PM |