yikes. it's all happening again so fast. i can feel you in blood and i can feel you so fast. all that was good has now turned rotten. i must throw everything out and try again. i keep having this horrible burning deep inside my stomach. i feel like i'm going to be sick and than i go to sleep and it's all alright. i didn't go to another class this week and i know i've lost it all. everything that i built up...the new room, the new pledge, the new friends. it's all gone. it's all down the drain. i just want something to make sense. 1 LOUSY THING.

so i've decided when he comes over this weeked, if he comes over this weekend that i will tell him. that i want to be his only. his number one. his beautiful cute "goth" girl and that there better be no others. i know i'm a little lost soul. i know i'm lost. i think i'm doing the right thing but in the end all i end up is screwed.

why do i feel so lonely? i have the most beautiful caring roommates of all time but somehow the words aren't coming out as easily as i would like them to. not that they ever want to hear what's going on inside. i could be black tar inside and sometimes i just feel like what i feel is petty. like it will never matter. hey, buster...we have bigger problems go cry to someone else. i can't help that my problems are small potatoes. they seem like huge mountainous piles to me with loads of gravy and butter. i can't make any sense out of why i'm being this way.

my koundoura paper is due december 12. can you say screwed? i hate that woman. i really hate that woman.

i feel cold and warm all at once. i know that this whole week could be changed by this one boy. why does he make me so happy? it's disgusting. i wish somedays that i lived closer and that he could hold me the whole day long like he did once in front of the mirror in room 707 and when i looked up and saw us together i knew something was there. i am fun! he is fun! let's be fun nerds together. yay! i just know that i don't want to be with anyone else and that when i do think about being with someone else it just seems wrong.

there once was a sidekick i'll call jello. he was a wonderful sidekick. we shared everything. we got along perfectly. now our relationship is on hiatus. he did apologize. that takes an awfully big man to do that. i get over it. i know that he does this. i still love him. i still care. i always want him to be there. can he be a bridesmaid? i wonder if he'll wear a pastal dress? wait, pants suit. he'll look splendid. can you get married in black? i sure hope so. white was never my thang. wait...off-white is damn sexy. i saw the greatest dress ever in an April Cornell but we didn't buy it. i wanted to be married in that. wouldn't it be frightening to know that the person you are dating had already picked out a wedding dress. i think it would be. not that i date girls. a tuxedo is one thing. a wedding dress is for only one thing...wait, two. weddings and halloween. oh, perhaps certain emerson functions as well.

i want him to be here now. my ginger boy. my cute little ginger boy. 
¶ 3:51 PM |