And i can feel the tears before they start to fall welling up in my eyes. i can feel the tears there hiding behind the lids waiting to pour out. i have so much to do and all i want to be is in your arms away from this mess and away from this wreck. i don't know where to go and who to turn to because i've dug myself too far into this and i know you can't choose with whom it happens with and i love that it's you but what will i do and where will i go. i keep thinking everyday how i will miss this place and maybe that's not the best decision either. i don't know where to go but i know i am unhappy here. why do i glamourize this depression? why do i fall in love with being down? why do i become so sad when i see others cry? i really am not use to this and i can't help but soak everything in from everyone else. i'm just that kind of person. i'm really bad at helping. i don't know what to do. i just don't know.

i seek advice and it's all the same and i'll try it and see how it goes but i know you won't be missing for long. you are what makes it worth it sometimes and i think that's the way it should be. i'm sitting here and i want to read and i want to study but at the same time all i want is for you to be here...with me...and for us to never let go. it's all ridiculous and sometimes i think we are losing ourselves but i think that happens sometimes and i think it's normal to be like this at first. i want to visit. will you wait for me? its' not as easy as i would hope it to be. i want everything to be easy. i want life to be one big vacation but of course that's never going to happen. what fun would it be if you lived the same day all the time? not any. you need the tragedies to set you straight and they help you justify the pleasures. right now though...that MASTER PLAN...doesn't sound half bad. i want to lock myself up and never come out...will you please join me as i get lonely pretty easily. i'm scared. i'm sad. i don't know what to do. i just know that once i get past these two weeks of hell i'm going to take a big breath and i may never come back down from my cloud. 
¶ 9:46 PM |