Sunday, February 09, 2003
why am i so sad? lonely? sometimes i think people are the problem, but my problem is in my own head. sigh. GET OUT, YOU. GET OUT!
sigh. why am i so hungry? i have no idea.
some of the prettiest things in the world: bunnies (human and animal) and peacocks. kitties rock my world as well.
Dack is so Deck. Yeah, baby, yeah.
sometimes i wish that i lived in the LB. i think living in the LB brings you more people to be close to. it gives you a lot of caring people in one place, but i guess it's easy to hide there too. i love the big windows. nikki's room is so beautiful. i get so jealous everytime i'm there. my room is so ugly now. bleh. i don't know what to do. it's not the posters. it's just the location. i just wish i had someone to be close to all the time. this is nothing to do with a dependence issue (well, a little). it's not just wanting a boyfriend. it could be anyone. boy or girl. just someone to be there all the time. i know my friends are here but you know, it's not the same. sometimes i wish i had someone to cuddle with whenever i wanted. could someone get me a stuffed animal to hold on to? i miss my billy bunny back home. he gets me through all these rough times. i feel myself slipping like i did when i was 15. i was so mean then. i got over it with some persistance and i made myself happier. mostly but just doing lots of homework and going to shows. i miss my mom so much. i don't know what to do without her. the phone doesn' t work and i can't call and she can't call. i feel so disconnected without her. i don't want her to go to germany. GOD. life is unfair. i think if she moves i'll quit emerson because i don't want to be on my own. i'm not going to be able to handle it all by myself. she's the one person i know i can turn to. lately, i've felt so bad talking to her because it's always sad and even though my thoughts are clear when i get on the phone, when we actually start talking it gets all messed up and jumbled up. i don't know how to sort these things out by myself.
i think i should invest in a bike. or a vespa. i want a pet and a flower.
i'm still looking for a valentine. really, it's not a desperate plea. i'm just tired. that's all. too tired to go on.
¶ 12:08 AM
|
sigh. why am i so hungry? i have no idea.
some of the prettiest things in the world: bunnies (human and animal) and peacocks. kitties rock my world as well.
Dack is so Deck. Yeah, baby, yeah.
sometimes i wish that i lived in the LB. i think living in the LB brings you more people to be close to. it gives you a lot of caring people in one place, but i guess it's easy to hide there too. i love the big windows. nikki's room is so beautiful. i get so jealous everytime i'm there. my room is so ugly now. bleh. i don't know what to do. it's not the posters. it's just the location. i just wish i had someone to be close to all the time. this is nothing to do with a dependence issue (well, a little). it's not just wanting a boyfriend. it could be anyone. boy or girl. just someone to be there all the time. i know my friends are here but you know, it's not the same. sometimes i wish i had someone to cuddle with whenever i wanted. could someone get me a stuffed animal to hold on to? i miss my billy bunny back home. he gets me through all these rough times. i feel myself slipping like i did when i was 15. i was so mean then. i got over it with some persistance and i made myself happier. mostly but just doing lots of homework and going to shows. i miss my mom so much. i don't know what to do without her. the phone doesn' t work and i can't call and she can't call. i feel so disconnected without her. i don't want her to go to germany. GOD. life is unfair. i think if she moves i'll quit emerson because i don't want to be on my own. i'm not going to be able to handle it all by myself. she's the one person i know i can turn to. lately, i've felt so bad talking to her because it's always sad and even though my thoughts are clear when i get on the phone, when we actually start talking it gets all messed up and jumbled up. i don't know how to sort these things out by myself.
i think i should invest in a bike. or a vespa. i want a pet and a flower.
i'm still looking for a valentine. really, it's not a desperate plea. i'm just tired. that's all. too tired to go on.
¶ 12:08 AM
|
