For Your Benefit

all i want to do today is eat salad, sit on my bed, read non-school related books, and listen to the The Young Idea on repeat. and i think i want to do this for the rest of my life.

you can never take back the unsaid, wouldn't you like to at least try. i am something lost and forgotten. i am tired, yet restless. wait, i'm sure that explains why i'm so tired.

so...i've been thinking lots of things over lately. i really don't like what's going on recently. i just want things to be nothing and not have deeper meanings. when things actually begin to go as planned i get uncomfortable and want to crawl back into my cave. it's really nice inside...floor to floor moss covering and a mega sound system for rocking out. when people start actually liking me, i hate it. i refuse to trust my own judgement in these situations. good things just don't happen to me. sighsigh.

so, i decided to make a list. yeah, i've made so many lately that they all look the same but here it is:

perfection includes (the rambling will begin now):

longish hair, tall (at least 5'8"), blue eyes, tattoos, going to shows and looking scene while not actually being scene at all, shoegazing, giving it to The Man by buying everything we can on vinyl, making mix tapes (only), star gazing, cemetaries during the day, libraries at night or at least bookstores, being punk rock, obnoxious amounts of books in our library, an apartment in NY like in the movie Big - oh yes, we will have a trampoline, concert flyers covering one wall of the apartment, being witty and rude and having loads of inside jokes - sorta like zach galifianakis or conan o'brien, walking around antiquing for kitschy 70s dishes and thrifting, dying my hair black and wearing long flow-ey white dresses

...intermission...

this list was sorta what i was looking for in someone else...but it's just turned into an ultimate situation everything list. i'm re-reading High Fidelity. I'm sure this is why this has been brought on.

writing letters to all our friends like REAL letters, rocking out, listening to insane amounts of music, starting my own record label, writing that book, tons of haiku, road trip around the usa, going to canada, taking lots of pictures, meeting ryan adams, living off the land, raising a bunny farm in chicago, making my own clothes, perhaps learning how to sew first, knitting, owning only argyle sweaters, watch only PBS, catch up on all those classic movies and books, owning chucks in every color, maryjane shoes rock my world, knee high socks and short skirts, perhaps including more color in my wardrobe, perhaps not, listening to The World Inferno Friendship Society (the best LIVE band ever) till the day I die, making my own Sahara Hotnights and having groupies give me free things, owning a cd player with at least places for 5 different cds, taking lots of pictures of mailboxes and making my coffee table book, get a lip ring on the side, braces (!), stop caring what people think, collages together, lots of magazines, parties with lots of scene kids and smart witty people, stop being so damned melancholy all the time that's no way to live a life...don't even try anymore, just be, just do...exist

i'm sure there is a lot i forgot here. i just love rambling. enjoy. HA! blame it on good indie music!! 
¶ 4:06 PM |