Friday, March 28, 2003
One Question
...and there he was in front of me staring me right in the eyes and there was no way that i was going to say no. somehow the chase has been carried out too long and it leaves me feeling uneasy. is it no? is it yes? what happens next? it seems more complex now than it did in high school. why is it with age comes complication? why can't i just ask right out: "dammit boy, do you like me? i think you are super keen. let's be together, k? just for right now. the moments i spend with you make me feel like maybe there is more than hope in this sick world. that love can exist with another. that lies are something of the past and that the future could include a me and a you. just for right now. what do you think, babe?" he's old fashioned. delightfully old fashioned. every move is calculated. every sentence typed and re-typed. every word thought out again and again. i can't just say something. words don't even make sense. just stares and smiles. and hugs from the side. i'm making progress following the sticky trail of slugs. their advice left for me on leaves that i pocket in case i forget to think. you have that affect on me. too shy to ever just come right out.
i think navy blue could be my color too.
i love my ability to dance the same way to all the songs i listen to. and that i like to listen to "monday night" by ryan adams on repeat because it's so sappy it gives me some sort of hope. in fact, it makes me not even care anymore. i really don't care. i really don't. i really. i. again, i'm always the one standing alone with an empty wine glass. "fill her up."
¶ 3:22 AM
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...and there he was in front of me staring me right in the eyes and there was no way that i was going to say no. somehow the chase has been carried out too long and it leaves me feeling uneasy. is it no? is it yes? what happens next? it seems more complex now than it did in high school. why is it with age comes complication? why can't i just ask right out: "dammit boy, do you like me? i think you are super keen. let's be together, k? just for right now. the moments i spend with you make me feel like maybe there is more than hope in this sick world. that love can exist with another. that lies are something of the past and that the future could include a me and a you. just for right now. what do you think, babe?" he's old fashioned. delightfully old fashioned. every move is calculated. every sentence typed and re-typed. every word thought out again and again. i can't just say something. words don't even make sense. just stares and smiles. and hugs from the side. i'm making progress following the sticky trail of slugs. their advice left for me on leaves that i pocket in case i forget to think. you have that affect on me. too shy to ever just come right out.
i think navy blue could be my color too.
i love my ability to dance the same way to all the songs i listen to. and that i like to listen to "monday night" by ryan adams on repeat because it's so sappy it gives me some sort of hope. in fact, it makes me not even care anymore. i really don't care. i really don't. i really. i. again, i'm always the one standing alone with an empty wine glass. "fill her up."
¶ 3:22 AM
|
