avoidance

finding a boy is like shopping for fruit. sometimes when you go to the market, you find an apple that has a bit of a bruise on it and you take it home anyway because you had your mind set on apples. other times, you go to the market find the perfect apple and go home happy and never have to go back again. wait...it's not like that at all.

last night, i talked for an hour to the pinkerton security guard in my dorm. she is pretty wise and she listens to what i say. i really like her company and i couldn' t believe i was talking to her so long. i kept glowing and mentioning ian like i do right after we hang out because he's just a lot of fun. he's like the best toy under the christmas tree. i just can't have him for extended amounts. he's like the best toy i left at my aunt's house that i keep forgetting to bring home.
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"i love reading your blog. you're so honest." well, i try. i don't know what i'm trying to hold back in here. i really wanted to write something about dan that wasn't straight forward. but it's all been done and now i'm starting to echo justin in here. sometimes when i read people's livejournals i want to write about my days. every second, minute, hour...but then i think my life is boring so i decide no. other times, i think of blog entries when i walk around but don't write them down and forget the wording. i don't spend time composing these. i don't write entries in my spare time -- hoarding them up for the appropriate time. i don't have themes. i'm not for entertainment. if it comes out that way than i suppose it's all an excellent accident. i just like writing and i think the best blogs show it.
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ian once asked me about my website. haha...i told him that i couldn't tell him. and he said, "oh, it's like an online journal." hahahaha. yeah, and now he knows i write about him, which is true. i've offered wondered how ruined our friendship would be if i told him about it. i think maybe i would bore him with my hard-to-read template and ramblings but somehow i think that he would be flattered. he doesn't take compliments well. most boys don't. i try really hard to say whatever i am thinking. i want you to know if i'm feeling something. i'm the girl that compliments you on your best feature or that swell shirt you're wearing even if you are the stranger in the elevator standing as close to the other wall as possible. GERMS. heh.

i'm really glad that my mother doesn't know about this site because i would have to change the address. 
¶ 11:40 AM |