happy?

i can't recognize being happy or else it will fade away. why is it that the moment i sit down and think about things and conclude that i'm finally happy that things start to go horribly wrong?

i'm sitting amongst shin high piles of papers. i can't think. i need to. i need a room. i need a life. things are closing in on me and after tomorrow, things will leave this mess and become more of an empty room. ryan will be taken down. no crooked smiles. no glaring. less guitar feedback. a serious lack of rockitude will be left. it'll just be me and sami -- a tree -- sharing two weeks of absolute boredom and perhaps more time to dedicate to writing and the perfect photobooth picture.

it wasn't always like this. i used to be a lot more out of it. yeah, i've got that grasp and i don't like it. i liked when the rocks were covered and i kept falling as soon as i came up for air. now, i can't get back into the water without throwing myself off the cliff. 
¶ 11:11 AM |