lost but not forgotten

today i was rediscovering lost cds. i never really lost them but more overlooked -- a cd case more of a holding device than a display case. i guess it says it all right there how i tried so hard, from Ryan Adams to Zebrahead right on through to Various Artists. i spent a lot of my life trying to find myself through lyrics. poetry. prose. something to hold myself together. when i didn't find it in angsty alternative, i gave it up for light brit. pop boy bands, then it was ska that made me happy. in college, i fought The Man by "being" punk or so i thought. i think i was more confused than anything. there was no way a shirt with a safety pin through it, plaid pants and converse chuck taylors were going to make me something i wasn't. it took a beulah concert, makeoutclub and a copper press magazine to turn me to indie rock music, if that's even what we're still calling it these days. i was pretty lost myself trying to discover or uncover by musical genre. it never did take. i never

was what i wanted to be. i think i am now though. and i happily listen to everything i did before minus all the gawdy fashion. 
¶ 10:25 PM |