the sad parts

sometimes i'm angry that i'm so angry. this morning i awoke to a phone call at about 12:30pm. fine. i hadn't slept but i wasn't really read to have a civil conversation. it's not that i'm trying to be rude, it's that i'm angry. i don't want to be awake. i realized i'm the meanest person in the world for a whole hour after i wake up from no sleep. then i'm fine, you know after the crying and the screaming and the panic attacks. the hot shower begins to kick in and it takes me about twenty minutes longer to do anything.

i have to get motivated to leave my room. i think i have seasonal depression. there's no light in here, my body still thinks it's winter. my bones ache. my soul craves attention. i hate it here. i hate my room. i just don't want to leave it. i like it enough to stay here all day. then when i go outside i don't want to come back because i know what will happen. i will get upset again. i'll just sit in front of a glaring screen and burn my eyes with AIM.
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an empty stomach is hard to ignore but i seem to be really great at it. nikki served me half of her singaporian noodles (heaven) and i was okay. my nap was okay. then i woke up and i feel sick again. i really hate not sleeping. i really hate packing. let's just pretend this never happened.

i could really go for some indian food. would you care to join me?

note: i can't wait till i go home. i miss my dog. 
¶ 1:25 AM |