Tuesday, July 01, 2003
brand new awakening
mountain air does something to you. when you get back to lower elevations, you realize how deep your breaths become. you realize how much easier it is to do work with full lung capacity. how much faster you can get things done. how your head isn't floating. when i was there at 7500 feet altitude, i never thought once i had shallow breaths or that anything was wrong with me, but today at the library i could feel a change. i just felt awake. i was shaken out of a daze. a social slump. in otherwords, i was on. i didn't feel like i was floating out of my body and watching myself manuever around the familiar angles and corners and shelves. things seemed new. i was there in my mind.
for a long time, the library wasn't a place i was looking forward to visiting in the morning. i was tired of the predicatability. i was waiting for something to happen. coworkers could tell something was wrong, always commenting, "you look tired, go take a nap, no sleeping on the job." it wasn't that i was tired, it was that i was bored. i started playing games with them and it felt wrong. it made me feel bad to be mean to these people. not mean on the exterior but in the interior i knew i was not being honest. i was taking this job for granted. i just wanted for the days to be over. 2pm, bye bye.
my mom points out to me how boston has given me an ego. that i think i'm high and mighty because i go to an out-of-state college. she's right. i have boughts of elitism in my blood. i can be snotty. the world should bow down to me. i can't help it. being in colorado with other students showed that i'm not that different than other students. that an expensive New England college doesn't make me a better person. it doesn't even make me a more interesting person or a smarter one. it just makes me go on planes six times a year.
roughing it is best for the writer. it gives you raw material and a new way to look at things. this new outlook was what i was looking for in the empty shelves at the library. i needed to wake up. i'll be the first to tell you that i take what i have for granted. i never visited the school of hard knocks. colorado whispered in my ears something i've been longing to hear since i've come home. that what i have is okay, too. that no one is your enemy and only you can decide what to do.
i got out of the corner.
¶ 12:49 AM
|
mountain air does something to you. when you get back to lower elevations, you realize how deep your breaths become. you realize how much easier it is to do work with full lung capacity. how much faster you can get things done. how your head isn't floating. when i was there at 7500 feet altitude, i never thought once i had shallow breaths or that anything was wrong with me, but today at the library i could feel a change. i just felt awake. i was shaken out of a daze. a social slump. in otherwords, i was on. i didn't feel like i was floating out of my body and watching myself manuever around the familiar angles and corners and shelves. things seemed new. i was there in my mind.
for a long time, the library wasn't a place i was looking forward to visiting in the morning. i was tired of the predicatability. i was waiting for something to happen. coworkers could tell something was wrong, always commenting, "you look tired, go take a nap, no sleeping on the job." it wasn't that i was tired, it was that i was bored. i started playing games with them and it felt wrong. it made me feel bad to be mean to these people. not mean on the exterior but in the interior i knew i was not being honest. i was taking this job for granted. i just wanted for the days to be over. 2pm, bye bye.
my mom points out to me how boston has given me an ego. that i think i'm high and mighty because i go to an out-of-state college. she's right. i have boughts of elitism in my blood. i can be snotty. the world should bow down to me. i can't help it. being in colorado with other students showed that i'm not that different than other students. that an expensive New England college doesn't make me a better person. it doesn't even make me a more interesting person or a smarter one. it just makes me go on planes six times a year.
roughing it is best for the writer. it gives you raw material and a new way to look at things. this new outlook was what i was looking for in the empty shelves at the library. i needed to wake up. i'll be the first to tell you that i take what i have for granted. i never visited the school of hard knocks. colorado whispered in my ears something i've been longing to hear since i've come home. that what i have is okay, too. that no one is your enemy and only you can decide what to do.
i got out of the corner.
¶ 12:49 AM
|
