"i'm afraid some weirdo's got my soul and i don't know what they're doing to it."

sometimes i am jolted to life again. it's like i've been sleeping through each day, but then my eyes readjust to the light and i realize, "hey, i'm alive and a person." i am suddenly super aware of my surroundings. i'm seeing everything for the first time. i'm fresh from the woochata. i notice the scuff marks on the dashboard from my converse. the chocolate smudge on the seat belt from the hershey's payday i left in teh car too long. my white lip gloss that looks like i've just gotten back from filming "hot horny asians: cum shots #12." one...two...three...and the grocery cart hits the land rover across the parking lot. i don't even wince. a man smirks. it's not his car. i car pulls away and immediately another is there to replace it's vacancy. a tall black woman spills out and her boyfriend grabs her around the waist. her legs are sky high. thin ankles. strappy sandals. i want her pink dress. her boyfriend smiles when he looks at her.

i am merly observing. i am not actively participating in any events. i am not actively participating in life. i'm in the passenger side seat of a black volvo S70 Turbo with my industrial sized headphones and my 6 year old cd player. i stuck a sticker on the front, it reads, "hip?" across the joint that opens the player. it's fading and i can't decide what i might write over it.

i guess it makes sense that i don't know what's coming up next. i can barely feel my hands. 
¶ 2:16 AM |