Just Wondering…

i found this on one of my computer disks. it's about 7 years old.


Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to drop books in the toilet. But I don’t mean standing over it dropping in book after book. I mean by accident. Like, when I’m reading a book in the bathtub and I want to put the book down on the toilet but the lid’s open. Then, kerplunk! Splash!

“Oh, crap.” I say hearing sirens immediately, because it’s a library book - no renewals. They’re sending their goons. What can I do? Panic sets in. Thoughts flash in my mind like projector slides. I pull it out - $125.00. I want to pay, but I’m completely broke. You can’t tell anyone, but you have to use the library. Suicide - it’s the only way. Hara-kiri. I reach for the Lady Lovely disposable razor. I can’t do it! Aaahh, sirens are closer. I run around the bathroom - naked and freezing. Someone knocks.

“Come on. Honestly. You only have one body.”

“OK.” I say sweetly. I’ll still jogging circles with a soggy hardback and hair up turban style.

What to do? What to do? There’s no turning back now. I must lead the life of a library criminal. How will I face my intellectual friends?

Then I think, “Boy, I’m glad this didn’t really happen.” 
¶ 1:08 AM |