reliving last week's nightmare

8:30am. alert but slow. my email reads, "sorry." i bullshit an ending. i suddenly wish i'm in greenwich village -- bohemians, beatniks, snapping fingers -- none of this children's writing crap. no writing for 6 year olds. no picture books. no Goodnight Moon.

i keep closing my eyes -- flashes of dreams that i can't remember. i walk down the hall, i forget where i'm going and where my class is. where am i? who am i? i stand dazed in the hallway looking left and right. i wander down the corridor vaguely aware i'm supposed to be going down this way. people brush past me -- dirty looks -- i'm tossed between shoulders like a pinball not wanting to tilt.

i'm suddenly alert. too awake. i keep popping shots of pepsi -- caffiene shots. i'm afraid to eat. afraid of sobering up. things speed up around my eyes. when i turn my head, it's one continous fuzzy blur. fast forward. chipmunk voices. dull light. i stare at my arm -- amused by my thin wrists and hands -- goosebumps are suddently the most amazing thing i've ever seen.

there's a dead bug in my notebook where i'm writing this down. pressed flat between the pages. i bought it this way? i bought it this way! my sleeve slowly scratches his body off the page as i write down the page. no blood. no guts. i bet his relatives are eating my Life cereal. right now. bastards. 
¶ 2:32 PM |