i call this the art of studentry

i told myself i would study, but telling yourself to do anything does not mean it will get done. it started at 3pm and i kept pushing the time forward and forward till it was 11pm. i assumed i'd just go to sleep early and get up and study.

wrong wrong wrong.

it's 6am and i've already decided i don't need to go to my first class. that crap adv. fiction writing class that just makes me want to stab my own eyes out and twirl about the room like a top flinging blood on everyone's clean clothes. somedays you just can't take it. i figure this is my one day.

later, i get a call. the counseling center. this must be a sign as it's 11:15, the exact time i would be getting out of that class i skipped. i decide to go back to sleep.

now, it's 1pm. i have that class with the exam in two hours. i push myself to start studying. it's 3:45, fifteen minutes before class and i'm cramming dates and names into my brain. there is no way i can remember it all, but i trick myself into thinking it will be okay.

when i'm done with the test. there are about 4 complete blank spots. i can't remember the names. i can't remember the dates. i can't remember the names of spirituals and folk songs and where amazing grace was finally put down in words and the composer. i want to try but i'm just sitting there saying the same things over and over in my head. it's just not there. empty. you are overdrawn. go back to start. better luck next time.

so i hand in my exam and walk away. this is the only right answer i have. 
¶ 6:50 PM |