The Hipster Brigade
Saturday, October 25, 2003
 
in vogue

when i was around two years old, i only spoke in japanese. my grandma taught me a few choice phrases which i would repeat over and over.

i soon forgot.

i also had kermit the frog slippers, i would never take them off. i wore them to sleep. i wore them to the mall. they were the height of fashion. no really. my mom would take them off my feet at night so she could wash them.

everyone has a blankie. mine was "gahgi" and he came from a bigger blanket that fell to pieces over time. mine was a 5x5 inch square that i would hold under my nose as i slept. my grandma would spray it with perfume and i'd sneeze. i used to cover it white in baby powder and toss it like a pizza.

my first teddy bear i received from a stranger. i stranger i kept calling "andy" which i realized was the name of their poodle. in fact, that's the only reason i wanted to go to the party. as a girl, i asked for a poodle every christmas. i never got one, but this was pretty damn close. "andy" gave me a teddy bear that santa left at their house. he was holding a snowman. i had my mom free his hands of the "iceman" as soon as i got home. then sometimes i would have her re-sew him back into his hands. i was fickle, i suppose.

my favorite tv show was The Elephant Show with Sharon, Lois and Bram. i owned all of their tapes and of course, danced to them privately in the backyard with my cabbage doll, della. della and i had matching dresses that my grandma made me. della was also bald, just like me as a baby. we had so much in common.

my backporch housed a sandbox and a super dooper plastic playmate that my mom was particularly fond of. it was a neighborhood and i used to drive my matchbox cars over the flat roads past the flat houses. then i used it as a sandbox and the back got moldy from me making pretend cakes out of water and sand.

i loved playing with guns as all my neighbors were boys, but i read this poster in my elementary school that say, "don't give your children guns...it causes violence." i remember telling that to all the boys then. i knew guns were bad, but i'd dismiss that all together for the camouflage rifle. the camo rifle was great for explorers. it had a strap to go across my back and i felt just like rambo, even if i'd never seen the movie.

i used to trade those plastic garbage pail pink wrestling figures with my next door neighbor's older brother. my mom bought them for me, because she thought they were cute. i thought they were fierce.

i made the boys play barbies with me. they'd fight for the one ken doll i owned. it was, of course, rock star ken. his arm broke off and he became handicapped ken. it was tragic. he floated really well in the little valley on the side of house. it would always fill with water, and i'd float him like sailboat ken. i guess i always liked pirates.

the scariest toy i owned was a lifesize mannequin my dad bought for me. at night, i used to dream of two men standing over me with chainsaws and then the mannequin would come to life and kill them and then me.

i used to play dress up in my mom's lime green party dress. i'm still not sure why she owned something lime green, but you know, it was bought during the 70s.

men in cars always called me "baby" and whistled when they drove by. i was only nine. i liked the attention.

i was 11 when i stopped crying. i was 15 when i started again.

the best christmas present i ever received was my gameboy. that big chunky grey gameboy. i miss it.

my favorite musical artists were george michael, prince, mc hammer and paula abdul. the first concert i ever saw was the monkees in a huge arena. i told myself i'd marry davey jones. i never did. the last concert i saw was the deathray davies in a small bar. i met the lead singer. he's married. but not to me.

i stopped wearing dresses at 10. i started wearing dresses again at 21.

i never stopped dancing.
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