The Hipster Brigade
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
 
My Horror Story for Kids

Tossa

It was finally the weekend. I had just stepped into the house, when I heard my Mom yell for me.

“Samantha, you need to make some salad before your Dad and I leave,” Mom said, looking down at me, hands on her hips. “I told the sitter you could handle dinner.”

I rolled my eyes. “Sure, Mom,” I said out loud. "Whatever," I whispered.

I headed for our cow-themed kitchen, and reached my hand into the vegetable drawer to grab the head of lettuce. That’s when I heard my brother running down the stairs and yelling.

“Run, Sam, run,” he ran back and forth across the linoleum floor. He grabbed the lettuce from my hand and tossed it into the living room. “No, salad.”

“What’s going on here?” Mom said running to the scene. She glanced from the lettuce, then to us in the kitchen.
I shrugged and pointed to Adam. “He did it.”

“Mom, don’t make us eat it. Get it away from us. No, salad. No, lettuce. Please,” he begged, getting down on his knees. “Tossa. Tossa.”

“Ben, stop it. Enough about the babysitter. I want you two to behave for her tonight. Now, get the lettuce and let your sister get back to work.”

Tossa Salada was our newest babysitter. When my brother and I first saw her, we exchanged huge grins. She had green hair. She had to be fun, but she ended up giving Ben and I the creeps. My brother was convinced there was something else to the woman. Something behind her glaring bright green eyes that looked like Christmas lights in her pupils. Ben couldn’t stop talking about her ever since that first visit.


Ben used both hands to pick up the lettuce. It seemed about twice the size of a normal one. He held it far away from his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle T-shirt.

“Mom, I don’t want it anywhere near me. Can we just have leftovers?” He opened his eyes really wide and stared right into Mom’s. I knew Ben was serious when he was asking for leftovers. Last night’s dinner was fish sticks and homemade cole slaw. He hated both.

Mom grinned and straightened out her sequin dress, and clutched her party purse under her arm. “Leftovers? Seriously, I don’t know what got into you. Help yourself.”

Just then the doorbell went off, four quick chimes and than four slow ones. At one time, it played a sort of lovely melody but now it was slow and drawn out. It was the southerner of doorbells. It was one of those jobs that Dad never got around to on the weekends.

Ben grabbed my hand and moved into my side, melding us into one short and one tall Siamese twin. She was here. He clung tightly to my side as we watched our parents slink out the door smiling at Tossa as they walked out.

As soon as she walked inside, the entire house began to smell of cow dung. Ben pinched his nose, which meant that he had to loosen his grip on me. She didn’t say a word, but just stared at us standing there by the refrigerator in the kitchen.

“Hi, kids. Do you want to play a game?” She twisted a strand of green hair around a long slender finger painted to match her hair. She sneered at us.

I didn’t really want to say yes, but I knew that a no would send us to our room. Ben let go of his nose as soon as she asked. He was more afraid to be in his room with her here. He couldn’t watch her, he had told me earlier. “She makes noises like a car engine and she smacks when she eats. And sometimes I hear small squeals. I hate it, Sam. I hate it.” I knew what he meant, and so I decided our fate with one word, “Yes.”

The corners of her mouth turned up at the side. It was her widest grin and not even our mother was capable of smiling like this. She looked like the happiest clown at the circus. The circus that was full of scary clowns that probably ate children.

Ben and I moved as one being closer towards Tossa. Our feet were tied with an imaginary string that kept us together in the face of certain doom. Ben’s hands were turning white from holding the sides of my T-shirt so tightly. I nudged him to loosen up, but instead he held on tighter.

“Okay, hide and go seek. You guys know how that works, right? I’ll count and you guys hide, okay?” We didn’t have time to answer, she had already started counting. All that we could see was her green mass of hair hiding her face in the cushions of the couch. “One…two…three…”
____________________________________________

We heard her coming closer to the place where we were hiding. Ben refused to unwrap himself from my leg as I ran frantically trying to remember all the places I had hid before. I was ten now, and much too old for childish games. Plus, Ben preferred playing video games and that was just as well. But the past weeks, had him obsessed over the secret of Tossa. He was determined to find out what was wrong with her. What her story was and I was just as curious.

“Is that her?” He asked, breathing hot peanut buttery breath into my ear. “That is her. She is coming.”

I nudged him in the ribs and covered my mouth with my finger. “Hey, be quiet. Your breath smells and she’ll hear us.”

“I already did,” Tossa said pulling open the door to my parent’s bedroom closet. But instead of seeing the wide grin of a green-haired babysitter, we saw leaves. Hundreds of tentacle-length leaves and two big glowing green eyes that reminded me of the light from underneath escalators at the mall. It was a giant lettuce with arms!

That’s when Ben let me go, and pushed and pushed her out of the way. He grabbed my hand and ran me down the stairs.

“I’ve had this plan for weeks, Sam.” He ran straight for the fridge. My sneakers skidding across the linoleum squeaking to a halt in front of the white Frigidaire. “Quick, grab forks.”

I did as I was told. He was the boy with the plan, and I suddenly missed him as the twin stuck to my left side. My hair stuck to the back of my neck, and I could feel the sweat pouring down my forehead. Ben grabbed my hand again, but there was no need because Tossa crawled to us in the kitchen.

“Ben, you were such a smart boy. So, I’m sorry to have to do this to you.” She whipped one of her tentacles at him, but I blocked it with my salad fork.

“I don’t think so Tossa.” I heard myself saying out of disbelief. That’s when I noticed the Green Goddess dressing in Ben’s hand. He threw it in her eyes, blinding her, and then continued to glob it all over her tentacles.

“Sam, I guess you made us salad afterall,” Ben said, smiling.

I laughed as I poked the prongs into her long leafy arm with a loud crunch.
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