Friday, November 28, 2003
it's just never enough
i am in the 8th floor writer's block common room. it's been over a year since i've stepped a foot in this room or even on this floor. i was wrong about sleeping on a couch, although that's where i am typing to you from. there were three beds in which to choose from. i thought about changing each night i stayed here, but i picked one by the heater and it has the most perfect white shelf for me to set my small clock on, so i'm staying put.
this room is so huge for just one person. it's three times the size of my walk-in closet. i almost miss being cramped. then i look out the windows (yes, i have four of them) and they overlook the boston skyline and when i look out and see the lights, i don't feel so alone. it's nice to see the cars zooming along the highway. it reminds me of driving back at 2am from maryland to pennsylvania with my mom. we'd all sit together in the bench sit and my sister would fall asleep against my shoulder and i'd stay up and play with the radio and talk to my mom to make sure she didn't fall asleep.
it's sad to think i only have 3 more nights here. i'm going to miss it.
it's also strange to visit a place in which at one time was so familiar to you. i guess it would be like visiting a childhood home, in which you got to spend the week, but then had to leave again. i get to walk around like i own the place (and i sorta do) and it's just comforting that it's not a stranger. i'm even going to miss the creepy shower and am looking to my shower in the morning.
yesterday, as you know, was thanksgiving. it was my first all alone. i almost wanted to stay cooped up here by myself and eat macaroni and cheese, but my friend nikki would just not let that happen. we ended up going to chinatown because "shit, chinese people do not celebrate thanksgiving" and everything was open. i have to say that i love that restaurant and that red bean shakes are extremely tasty. also, we got free tea and i swear to god that most chinese restaurants do not do that anymore, at least not ones in texas.
then we went to go see a movie, but after pow-wowing in the lobby for about 15 minutes we decided we needed to kill time till 21 Grams came on at 9:20 and then we would sneak into Bad Santa. i loved Lee's (nikki's boyfriend) tiny apartment. the one that nikki was constantly calling shitty. i totally saw myself in a place like that, maybe not for long, but just for a short time. although, i'm not sure how i could live alone in there. i'd get awfully lonely. we ended up playing the most kickass of board games, kill doctor lucky. i swear i'm not saying it was kickass just because i won the game. but really i am genius.
then we ran to 7-11 where we snuck in nantucket nector fizzy drinks and i bought some yogurt covered raisins. well, 21 Grams ended up being completely disappointing. it was both cliche and pretentious and we sat in the back like good emerson students and make rude comments the whole time. quite grand.
now, this is when the night went sour for me. i had already told nikki i was very tired but i didn't want the night to end, so i figured my first experience with theater fraud would be good for me. well, i mean it was funny at first. yeah, bob thorton as santa. fucking hilarious. well, i don't know, after a bit i just couldn't take it anymore. i mean they really don't know when to end a joke. i just wanted it to end right there. i'm not sure what made me dislike it so much, but i just wanted to leave. nikki and lee followed me out and i felt so bad. i just couldn't handle it anymore. i'm not sure if it was a combination of me being tired and having a headache but i fucking hated that film.
i ended up crying on the way home, sniffling past the drunkards, and then of course i had to start in on all the things that had been happening to me recently or unhappening as it would. so then i thought about all the bad things that happened in my life and it was just.too.much. so i cried some more and then made chef boyardee cheese ravioli, which was dreadful but whatever. it made that pang of hunger settle away.
then i thought about all the things i like a lot. and read some. and felt a whole lot better. i guess everyone is entitled to a crying fit every now and then and tonight was mine.
¶ 3:29 AM
|
i am in the 8th floor writer's block common room. it's been over a year since i've stepped a foot in this room or even on this floor. i was wrong about sleeping on a couch, although that's where i am typing to you from. there were three beds in which to choose from. i thought about changing each night i stayed here, but i picked one by the heater and it has the most perfect white shelf for me to set my small clock on, so i'm staying put.
this room is so huge for just one person. it's three times the size of my walk-in closet. i almost miss being cramped. then i look out the windows (yes, i have four of them) and they overlook the boston skyline and when i look out and see the lights, i don't feel so alone. it's nice to see the cars zooming along the highway. it reminds me of driving back at 2am from maryland to pennsylvania with my mom. we'd all sit together in the bench sit and my sister would fall asleep against my shoulder and i'd stay up and play with the radio and talk to my mom to make sure she didn't fall asleep.
it's sad to think i only have 3 more nights here. i'm going to miss it.
it's also strange to visit a place in which at one time was so familiar to you. i guess it would be like visiting a childhood home, in which you got to spend the week, but then had to leave again. i get to walk around like i own the place (and i sorta do) and it's just comforting that it's not a stranger. i'm even going to miss the creepy shower and am looking to my shower in the morning.
yesterday, as you know, was thanksgiving. it was my first all alone. i almost wanted to stay cooped up here by myself and eat macaroni and cheese, but my friend nikki would just not let that happen. we ended up going to chinatown because "shit, chinese people do not celebrate thanksgiving" and everything was open. i have to say that i love that restaurant and that red bean shakes are extremely tasty. also, we got free tea and i swear to god that most chinese restaurants do not do that anymore, at least not ones in texas.
then we went to go see a movie, but after pow-wowing in the lobby for about 15 minutes we decided we needed to kill time till 21 Grams came on at 9:20 and then we would sneak into Bad Santa. i loved Lee's (nikki's boyfriend) tiny apartment. the one that nikki was constantly calling shitty. i totally saw myself in a place like that, maybe not for long, but just for a short time. although, i'm not sure how i could live alone in there. i'd get awfully lonely. we ended up playing the most kickass of board games, kill doctor lucky. i swear i'm not saying it was kickass just because i won the game. but really i am genius.
then we ran to 7-11 where we snuck in nantucket nector fizzy drinks and i bought some yogurt covered raisins. well, 21 Grams ended up being completely disappointing. it was both cliche and pretentious and we sat in the back like good emerson students and make rude comments the whole time. quite grand.
now, this is when the night went sour for me. i had already told nikki i was very tired but i didn't want the night to end, so i figured my first experience with theater fraud would be good for me. well, i mean it was funny at first. yeah, bob thorton as santa. fucking hilarious. well, i don't know, after a bit i just couldn't take it anymore. i mean they really don't know when to end a joke. i just wanted it to end right there. i'm not sure what made me dislike it so much, but i just wanted to leave. nikki and lee followed me out and i felt so bad. i just couldn't handle it anymore. i'm not sure if it was a combination of me being tired and having a headache but i fucking hated that film.
i ended up crying on the way home, sniffling past the drunkards, and then of course i had to start in on all the things that had been happening to me recently or unhappening as it would. so then i thought about all the bad things that happened in my life and it was just.too.much. so i cried some more and then made chef boyardee cheese ravioli, which was dreadful but whatever. it made that pang of hunger settle away.
then i thought about all the things i like a lot. and read some. and felt a whole lot better. i guess everyone is entitled to a crying fit every now and then and tonight was mine.
¶ 3:29 AM
|
