Saturday, December 06, 2003
there is no turning back now
i fail at humor but here goes it.
inspired by her post of 10 things she'd never do, i decided to make a post about 10 things i would definitely do:
10. be an exotic dancer. i know that a lot of women find this sort of behavior degrading. however, i think there can be some sort of tact involved when slithering around a pole in 5 inch heels to "low rider" by war. seriously, it's not about the money, it's just that i feel comfortable letting 50 businessmen with hard-ons drinking beers watch me prance around a stage with nothing more than a g-string on. let me tell you, i am not running into this occupation with open arms, but if i had to support my hipster coke habit, then maybe.
9. not give my subway seat to an old woman. yeah, maybe it's a little harsh, but think about it. they are going to die soon, and well, my legs are tired. it makes them tougher in the end. plus, an old woman once hit me with her purse and another one said i was "not pretty." they totally have it coming to them. however, i'd like to say that if an old man with a cane, top hat and monocle needed a place to sit on the T, i'd have no problem giving it to him.
8. join a hair metal band. i think wearing spandex and having big hair would be kind of liberating really.
7. let my dog leave his business in the neighbor's yard. it's not that i have anything against them, it's just that i don't own a pooper scooper. what am i supposed to do, i can't really punish the dog for letting him answer nature's call. if someone caught me i'd just blame guillermo.
6. eat baby food for weeks. sometimes i'm lazy and chewing is a lot of trouble. i'd skip the peas and carrots, and stick to the fruits. also, there is nothing wrong with Cheerios. you can use them as mini-lifesavers for bugs and throw them at your friends. yeah.
5. live in a tree. i once read about saving the red wood forests in a rolling stone magazine, ever since then i've been obsessed with the idea of living in a tree or going out there and yelling at lumberjacks. one day, it'll happen.
4. be that lady with the 10 million cats. i'm sure by this point, i'll have no teeth, no friends and no taste in fashion. i've given up the idea of gracefully aging into my hipsterdom.
3. kiss a girl. i'd like to try just once. just out of curiosity.
2. have sex in a elevator. there is something about the possibility of being caught. i remember there was this elevator with mirrors in it at a hotel that my family was staying in when we were visiting hawaii. i remember when i would step into it by myself, i would lift my shirt and play with my breasts, hoping that i would get caught. i'm not sure what i would have done if i did though. sometimes i'm a bit too racy for my own good.
1. quit school and work as a pirate wench in the pirate museum in salem, mass. does there really need to be an explanation for why i do such a thing? i think not.
¶ 4:46 PM
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i fail at humor but here goes it.
inspired by her post of 10 things she'd never do, i decided to make a post about 10 things i would definitely do:
10. be an exotic dancer. i know that a lot of women find this sort of behavior degrading. however, i think there can be some sort of tact involved when slithering around a pole in 5 inch heels to "low rider" by war. seriously, it's not about the money, it's just that i feel comfortable letting 50 businessmen with hard-ons drinking beers watch me prance around a stage with nothing more than a g-string on. let me tell you, i am not running into this occupation with open arms, but if i had to support my hipster coke habit, then maybe.
9. not give my subway seat to an old woman. yeah, maybe it's a little harsh, but think about it. they are going to die soon, and well, my legs are tired. it makes them tougher in the end. plus, an old woman once hit me with her purse and another one said i was "not pretty." they totally have it coming to them. however, i'd like to say that if an old man with a cane, top hat and monocle needed a place to sit on the T, i'd have no problem giving it to him.
8. join a hair metal band. i think wearing spandex and having big hair would be kind of liberating really.
7. let my dog leave his business in the neighbor's yard. it's not that i have anything against them, it's just that i don't own a pooper scooper. what am i supposed to do, i can't really punish the dog for letting him answer nature's call. if someone caught me i'd just blame guillermo.
6. eat baby food for weeks. sometimes i'm lazy and chewing is a lot of trouble. i'd skip the peas and carrots, and stick to the fruits. also, there is nothing wrong with Cheerios. you can use them as mini-lifesavers for bugs and throw them at your friends. yeah.
5. live in a tree. i once read about saving the red wood forests in a rolling stone magazine, ever since then i've been obsessed with the idea of living in a tree or going out there and yelling at lumberjacks. one day, it'll happen.
4. be that lady with the 10 million cats. i'm sure by this point, i'll have no teeth, no friends and no taste in fashion. i've given up the idea of gracefully aging into my hipsterdom.
3. kiss a girl. i'd like to try just once. just out of curiosity.
2. have sex in a elevator. there is something about the possibility of being caught. i remember there was this elevator with mirrors in it at a hotel that my family was staying in when we were visiting hawaii. i remember when i would step into it by myself, i would lift my shirt and play with my breasts, hoping that i would get caught. i'm not sure what i would have done if i did though. sometimes i'm a bit too racy for my own good.
1. quit school and work as a pirate wench in the pirate museum in salem, mass. does there really need to be an explanation for why i do such a thing? i think not.
¶ 4:46 PM
|
