[like crashing rusted metal]

i swear i was going to drown. it was just so deep that every time i thought i was above the waves, another one would come and hit me HARD in the face.

it went like this for an hour. he kept grabbing my hand and stroking my back and telling me "it's okay" and giving me the sympathy look. i kept scrunching up my nose and going under and just seeing knees and feet. over and over. i'd just be making it up to the top where he'd lay another look on me and it would disappear again in a watery mess. back under with the sea turtles and squid.

i kept trying to fight it. the fury. the waves. like being slapped in the face by a jealous lover that just wouldn't stop. wouldn't believe me. again and again. slap slap slap. i'd get up from the floor, from the knees, shins and toes and slap.

i hate when i lose. defeated by something i should have control over. something that i can't fight that lives inside of me. it's strange to think i lost to myself. like the angel vs. the devil upon silky shoulders.  
¶ 3:08 PM |