desire

i'm having strong urges to become part of a community. not my community, but someone else's. i've looked into livejournal and diaryland and i think i want to be part of a movement of writers looking to better the land.

i'm so tired sometimes of these old haunts. i need something new.

there used to be days where i could sit in front of the computer and i knew all about good writers and good writing. at least, i know the latter is true still. but almost everyone worth reading is not updating.

now that everyone is blogging there is so much more to dig through. and i'm tired. i want something fast and rewarding.

schedules bore me.

i used to have a lot of readers and now they get their kicks elsewhere. it's true. i got busy. i got a sex life. i have a boyfriend. but that doesn't mean i gave up. i keep coming back here. despite it's familiar boxes and everychanging links and new blogger interfaces.

i'm tired of celebrityism, but i'm in it for the thrill. i think somedays i would make a great celebrity. i would smile and nod and kiss people's babies and sign autographs just like the best robot ever could. i just want to be a little famous.

but it's hard to be famous if you sit in your house with your dog and cats all day. and the only human contact you see is your aging grandmother who keeps speaking about her dying friends and the rain that won't stop falling.

it's mud outside, not dirt. there is not sturdy ground for me to rest my toes. i'm tired of having pretty nails with no compliments.

i think i survive on the world's acception of me. and i think that's okay. at least, for now.

until i'm bored again. 
¶ 12:44 PM |