it would be such a waste

the last two days i have been a wreck of nervous stomachs and aching legs. not even a friendly wave from my romantic friend cheered me up. i just wanted to hide under rugs and sleep silently until the school year started. i hated everything and i thought everything hated me.

i just couldn't keep myself going. i dragged each second down by a hate-filled snarl of angst appropriate for only Hot Topic trash and 15 year olds. (is there a difference?) i didn't know how to let go and by letting it keep on, things got worse.

i'm not who i was a year ago. it seemed that i didn't have control over the things i was doing, but i didn't know how to stop doing them. i hated everything and everyone. i was looking for friends that would make me feel better. yes-men to add to the diana fan club. at least, subconsciously i think that's what i was doing.

i gave it up.

i am trying to move on and be a fixed person. i want to stay hate free. i just can't stand all that negative energy pumping through my veins. call me weak, but at least i'm using that energy to write and make this world a bit better for myself and my friends. yeah, it's selfish. but i never said i fixed that. 
¶ 4:34 AM |