not that anyone is perfect





(taken summer 2003)

i've always liked these pictures, but i've been scared to show them.

it's true, i'm full of flaws.

i have a problem with acne, my thighs are a bit round and i have undereye circles. no one is perfect.

have you ever noticed the faces under the great hair and make-up of your favorite actors and actresses? sometimes when i really take the time to examine the famous, i'm often disappointed. not everyone is fake, but there are very few true beauties.

in high school, i was often frustrated and confused. when i looked in the mirror i saw someone that was beautiful, but when boys saw me they saw a very plain girl. by no means, have i ever thought i was ugly or believed anyone who has told me so. even when countless people would come up to me and say, "have you ever thought about going to the dermatologist?" i cried, but i refused to let them get to me.

i was happy and i never thought of acne as something that was permanent or needed to be fixed. finally, after tons of pressure i went to a doctor who made things much worse for me. i became judgemental of every face i saw. i never used to be that way.

i saw beauty in rocks.

i still do, i just had to overcome that small part of me that the mainstream labels as ugly. i can't help breaking out. it's not like i sit there in a tub of Lays potato chips and Hershey's choclate milk every night. i get stressed out and i don't sleep well for a week and i'm haunted.

and once people start saying things like that to me, i started believing them. i started to think, "i guess i was never beautiful. i am ugly."

i'm lucky to say that when i look in the mirror now, i see the beautiful girl that i always thought i was, but i still cry when i think about how i have been treated. (and sometimes still am.) 
¶ 10:41 AM |