Friday, August 13, 2004
making sense of sleep
i'm red and puffy from not sleeping last night. every single time i would lie down the silence would keep me awake. i tried reading and turning on the fan, but that didn't block out the noise. so i decided as a final effort i would listen to some music. i put in phantom planet's first album and tried to sleep. unfortunately, the cd lead to more thoughts that kept me awake making new mix cds ideas in my head. so i just faked sleep till an acceptable time to be awake in the morning. i wouldn't even have to do that if i wasn't sleeping in the living room, but instead, in a real room that was mine where i could lie awake and not have my grandma say, "you still awake?"
every single morning has fallen into routine. my grandma sees that i'm awake and tries to get the dog to outside, but he refuses and then she says, "you make him" for which i say, "i will take him out in a second." i always take him out and he has no problem wanting to go outside when i do it, except that sometimes he gets scared of invisible bees and scarymen. he always curls up his tail and runs away to the safe haven of the garage.
barbara is still missing. i don't know where she has gotten to, but it's nowhere inside or outside the house. my mom has been calling the shelter every other day and still no black kitty cat with a white tuft of fur on her chest and bright yellow eyes and a joyful meow. she was a crabby scabby old battle axe, but i loved her. she was no good at mousing and i was fine with that. it was just nice to pet her around her scabs and scatch the hairless bits around her neck. silly summer allergies! plus, when i ask the other pets if they have seen her, they don't seem to understand. her daughter, tuffy, doesn't even miss her! oh, it pains me. although, tuffy has moved back into the kitchen cabinet, perhaps this is her way of mourning her mother's loss. i suppose i will never know.
i've been writing david emails everyday and i feel a lot better. i never knew that electronic mail could be so comforting. i don't know what's wrong, but whenever we talk over IM there's something missing for us. he feels it too. he's been calling me on the phone more often, just to talk, except we have nothing to talk about, so we make up stuff to amuse ourselves. it's a lot of fun till his cell phone dies out.
¶ 1:27 AM
|
i'm red and puffy from not sleeping last night. every single time i would lie down the silence would keep me awake. i tried reading and turning on the fan, but that didn't block out the noise. so i decided as a final effort i would listen to some music. i put in phantom planet's first album and tried to sleep. unfortunately, the cd lead to more thoughts that kept me awake making new mix cds ideas in my head. so i just faked sleep till an acceptable time to be awake in the morning. i wouldn't even have to do that if i wasn't sleeping in the living room, but instead, in a real room that was mine where i could lie awake and not have my grandma say, "you still awake?"
every single morning has fallen into routine. my grandma sees that i'm awake and tries to get the dog to outside, but he refuses and then she says, "you make him" for which i say, "i will take him out in a second." i always take him out and he has no problem wanting to go outside when i do it, except that sometimes he gets scared of invisible bees and scarymen. he always curls up his tail and runs away to the safe haven of the garage.
barbara is still missing. i don't know where she has gotten to, but it's nowhere inside or outside the house. my mom has been calling the shelter every other day and still no black kitty cat with a white tuft of fur on her chest and bright yellow eyes and a joyful meow. she was a crabby scabby old battle axe, but i loved her. she was no good at mousing and i was fine with that. it was just nice to pet her around her scabs and scatch the hairless bits around her neck. silly summer allergies! plus, when i ask the other pets if they have seen her, they don't seem to understand. her daughter, tuffy, doesn't even miss her! oh, it pains me. although, tuffy has moved back into the kitchen cabinet, perhaps this is her way of mourning her mother's loss. i suppose i will never know.
i've been writing david emails everyday and i feel a lot better. i never knew that electronic mail could be so comforting. i don't know what's wrong, but whenever we talk over IM there's something missing for us. he feels it too. he's been calling me on the phone more often, just to talk, except we have nothing to talk about, so we make up stuff to amuse ourselves. it's a lot of fun till his cell phone dies out.
¶ 1:27 AM
|
