hello hello

i don't have the same interest in blogs that i once had not too long ago. i don't feel i have the time to keep up, and it seems that all my favorite people have gotten lives or no longer have the urge to write. it doesn't mean i'll abandon this, because i'm much too stubborn, but i spend too much time on livejournal nowadays. although, blogger is so close to my heart -- introduced to me from an ex-lover/boyfriend -- and it'll remian that way through time. it's amazing to me that this is almost my fourth year(?) writing here.

i've kissed 19 boys in all the time i've had this little thing. that seems like such a large number. sometimes i feel like a whore.

i've gone and come back and gone and come back. i feel like every person that has been reading this has seen every up and down i've already gone through. i'm not sure if anyone actually "knows" me, but someone out there might feel some sort of connection, a slight pull at the heart strings. i always say that this was never meant to entertain, at least, not in its present state. long ago, i used to write to an audience.

mainly men.

figures, i can't attract a single soul in real life, but somehow a few black words in some out of date font can attract a lot of bachelors. although, i'm so happy where i'm at, which perhaps scares me just a bit. i think sometimes i would rather be alone than have the greatest person by my side. i'm so scared of destroying what's there. that he'll wake up one morning and find that i'm not the person he thought i was. i wonder if that feeling will ever go away?

on a happier note:

skip hero,
& see shaun of the dead.

that is all. 
¶ 1:40 AM |