Friday, September 17, 2004
how do you explain love
i couldn't see him last night. i cannot see him tonight. and i know tomorrow when i embrace him, i'll fall in love all over again. i'm wishing there wasn't an important game tonight and i find it quite comforting that he's still talking to me on AIM, when he should be fully concentrated on baseball. i want to be there with him holding his hand and watching him smile widely when they score another run.
except this time it's a little different. i just want it to be us, no noise, holding hands, and just talking like we normally do. and he tells me about his day and about something he heard on the tv and maybe he'll drop in a funny joke or two and probably bring up something he heard maybe years ago. he seems to know everything about everything and it's quite charming. it's not pushy and he doesn't act like a know-it-all. often i feel like he looks up to me. that somehow i have something that he wants, and i'm still trying to figure out what he is lacking. he seems to have everything. to me, he is perfect.
i remember walking with him lost in the streets of boston one night -- last year -- post halloween. & telling him i didn't believe in love and that i couldn't trust someone and every fucking issue i've ever had with every single person that has ever dated me or how i seem to "fall in love" with all the wrong people, except i don't know it till it hurts them and it haunts me. then somehow i find myself feeling comfortable with him. i find i'm asking myself, "do i love him?" but not wanting to say it. maybe i was wrong. how could i tell?
all my friends knew. seems like everyone knew before me.
i guess what i'm saying and i know no words can be perfect, but i wish he was right here right now and every single other romantic cliche in the book. it feels so strange to be just one now. it's not like i'm dependent on him, but it just feels right. it just feels like how things are supposed to be. and i think the reason people say, "i don't remember what life was like before you," is that you really do start to forget. it's not that love is consuming your life, but it just is.
is is.
¶ 10:40 PM
|
i couldn't see him last night. i cannot see him tonight. and i know tomorrow when i embrace him, i'll fall in love all over again. i'm wishing there wasn't an important game tonight and i find it quite comforting that he's still talking to me on AIM, when he should be fully concentrated on baseball. i want to be there with him holding his hand and watching him smile widely when they score another run.
except this time it's a little different. i just want it to be us, no noise, holding hands, and just talking like we normally do. and he tells me about his day and about something he heard on the tv and maybe he'll drop in a funny joke or two and probably bring up something he heard maybe years ago. he seems to know everything about everything and it's quite charming. it's not pushy and he doesn't act like a know-it-all. often i feel like he looks up to me. that somehow i have something that he wants, and i'm still trying to figure out what he is lacking. he seems to have everything. to me, he is perfect.
i remember walking with him lost in the streets of boston one night -- last year -- post halloween. & telling him i didn't believe in love and that i couldn't trust someone and every fucking issue i've ever had with every single person that has ever dated me or how i seem to "fall in love" with all the wrong people, except i don't know it till it hurts them and it haunts me. then somehow i find myself feeling comfortable with him. i find i'm asking myself, "do i love him?" but not wanting to say it. maybe i was wrong. how could i tell?
all my friends knew. seems like everyone knew before me.
i guess what i'm saying and i know no words can be perfect, but i wish he was right here right now and every single other romantic cliche in the book. it feels so strange to be just one now. it's not like i'm dependent on him, but it just feels right. it just feels like how things are supposed to be. and i think the reason people say, "i don't remember what life was like before you," is that you really do start to forget. it's not that love is consuming your life, but it just is.
is is.
¶ 10:40 PM
|
