updated because i felt like it

it's 2am and my hair is wet and dripping down my back. i'm supposed to be in bed, but i couldn't sleep. i just recovered from a slight panic attack given to me by an ex-close friend. i didn't even have to talk to her, just read some words, and there i was grabbing my chest and gasping for air. i can't really talk about it. i just felt nervous, guilty, anxious and sick to my stomach. a combination of everything awful. i wonder if that is what a heart attack feels like?

today. sunday. yesterday. whatever. the weekend flew by so quickly, and i spent it reading The Bucher Boy by Patrick McCabe and i'm supposed to hate it/despite it, but i love it so much. i couldn't stop reading even if it made me antsy and hungry while i read along. well, the text didn't make me do that, just the act of sitting and concentrating so hard.

i'm trying to write this entry right off the top of my head, so if it seems jumpy and rambling that's why. normally, there's some sort of formula and idea. i come here and type a title first and then go from there. titles are very important to me and normally are the whole reasons for entries. i try not to write stupid little things here & keep that for my livejournal, but i wonder if this is just lacking in content and maybe i'll tell the world that i had a milk shake for lunch. maybe that's what i feel like doing anyhow. i don't care if no one reads this anymore. no one does anyway. where did my readers go?

i can't entertain an audience. i would make a terrible actress.
 
¶ 2:00 AM |