turn off the bright lights

i look out my window and i see street lights at 5pm, and tiny puddles collecting in the cracks of the sidewalk. i am tired of it all. for once, i want it to be completely dark at midnight & for people to stop having conversations outside of my window. i'm becoming tired of the city. i'm ready to move on. yesterday, i seriously said to my boyfriend, "let's go move into my house in pennsylvania -- just you and me."

my house in pennsylvania has been empty since the christmas of 1995. it's huge -- basement, patio, big front yard with a pine tree fence, rose bushes along the driveway, an attic, upstairs - 3 bedrooms, tons upon tons of room for just two people. THERE IS EVEN A LAUNDRY ROOM! & two dining areas. i'm surprised we haven't moved back there, but i don't control my family's decisions.

anyways, i think a lot of the reason i'm fed up is that it takes so much concentration to live in the city or else every fantastic thing about it passes you by. i'm too busy here. i'm doing classes and being in love. i'm trying to be a good sister. i'm tryign to many things to be distracted & the city distracts me. there's too much shopping, noises and bright lights!

i just want it to be quiet for two seconds. let me relax, take a bubble bath and let me turn off my mind.

but instead, it's raining which adds to the noise, but also adds another calm. the only calm i think the city gets. but what i'd like better is snow. one of the most beautiful things is to wake up in the morning and see everything covered in white -- untouched & gorgeous -- the city, a virgin.

& we know how often one can find one of those in the city. that's right, never. 
¶ 5:23 PM |